ONCE UPON A TIME, IT WAS FUN
A tribute from Tim Frazer to Gareth Shaw, a teacher at Kingswood who succumbed to cancer on 24 July 2023, aged 50. Tim played provincial rugby and has coached first teams at two traditional schools. There is too much truth in what he says.
This week we lost a friend way too soon, an unassuming bugger who enjoyed nothing more than his family, life’s simple pleasures and one of life’s greatest privileges, to coach.
Over the past two days, I have, like those who knew him, found myself smiling and enjoying the memories I have of my times with him. I have only good memories and I learnt many things from him.
But this morning I woke from my sleep, thinking of one particular incident that I know has bothered me for some time, for two reasons, one being how it must have made my friend feel and two, how things have deteriorated since.
In short, I was sitting quite close to my friend during one of his last first-team fixtures in charge and whilst his lads were having a particularly tough time on the field and with about 10 or 15 minutes to go, he tapped me on the shoulder and handed me his phone.
He had just received a text message and what I read that day, seemed surreal. I struggled to comprehend that this was a message sent to him by an old boy, during the game. Ae message sent not to compliment, support or complain, but to hurt.
To his credit, he asked me to cool down and forget about it and we watched the last 10 min, me seething and he, engaging with his players and other coaching staff as if nothing had happened.
But something had happened, some selfish old boy had crossed the line and tried to impose his will and blinkered opinion on a situation he had little or no understanding of and he made it personal. Something that happens far too often today.
I’m saddened by how things have changed, our school execs, coaches, parents and old boys continue to press down the road of results, when the warning signs are there for all of us to see.
And I’ll tell you for nothing, while I was still coaching and apart from my many other shortcomings as a coach there was a time when I was very much part of the problem. I was coaching 17 and 18-year-olds and prioritise in game plans around how not to lose. How sad it must have been for a teenager, who in all likelihood was playing his second to last or last year of rugby, to be restrained and limited by a coach with that philosophy. It seemed then that trying to obtain a W was the most important for the system and I didn’t have the strength and belief to be more for my players.
To those that know me well and to my mates who always playfully manage to rile me up on the subject of schoolboy rugby over beer or brandy, I write this in memory of someone who epitomised the old school mentor, who through his coaching enriched and empowered his players to grow and most of all to enjoy the innocence and fellowship the great game of rugby at school allows or at least should.
To our respected school heads and execs, the time is now to lead. I have had the pleasure of working with and engaging with many of you around the country and you share the same story of frustration and concern for your students and their well-being. Your voice more than any will resonate with those that matter and the opportunity to change the course of things, will have to start with you.
To the moms and dads, there was a generation of parents, in fact it was our parents, that left us at the gate. They supported us from a distance, enjoyed our sport regardless of what team we represented or what position we played and simply understood that school sport had its place, like it should, to be an environment to be fit, to learn to win and lose and most importantly, to make mates. Don’t listen to the misguided others that want more, they only serve to break the trust that you have in those that have chosen to coach or teach your son or daughter.
PS: for those fathers that continue to bemoan the level of coaching, the simple skills of catching and passing was something our dads taught us.
To the old boys and benefactors who fuel the fire from their keyboards, stop behaving like spoiled kids. It is not representative of what you were taught and I certainly hope it’s not what you are passing on to your kids. For most of you, you have no understanding of the current landscape and challenges facing educators and the boys that represent your alma mater. Be better.
To the boys and girls that play the game, enjoy the game for what it gives you and treasure the opportunity to play with those you call friends. For the 0.02% who have the opportunity to earn a living playing rugby after school, best wishes. For the rest, give of your best, trust your teammate and your coach and smile.
To the coaches, cherish the privilege and responsibility. It’s the kids you serve.